When you look after a loved one, it can have a negative effect on your emotions.
You may feel stressed, over-whelmed, drained. Sometimes you may feel angry or guilty because of the changes to your life as a result of caring. Or upset, because of the changes to your relationship with the person you care for. Often you can feel very alone.
These feelings can be worsened when combined with other effects of caring, like being tired, under financial pressure, or fighting for support for the person you care for.
In Carers UK’s ‘State of Caring 2019′ report 27% of carers rated their mental health as ‘bad’ or ‘very bad’. In the same report carers reported their ‘happiness’ level at 4.7 out of 10, compared to a population average of 7.5 out of 10.
All these emotions are understandable. But it’s important that you acknowledge these feelings, and look for ways to both to help yourself and find support from outside – there is help available.
Looking after yourself
A big part of keeping yourself mentally well, is keeping yourself physically well. So as much as you can, try to eat well, sleep well, and get a little exercise if possible. Try to find time, however small, to do something just for you – even if it’s a quick 5 minutes looking at the crossword. You need time to yourself to re-charge.
The most important thing though, is talking about your feelings.
Talking to others
Talking about your feelings can really help. It’s important not to bottle things up inside.
Talking can be as simple as a chat with an understanding friend or relative.
Or you can chat to one of the Advisors on our Helpline. They can lend a ‘listening ear’ but also suggest practical steps you might take that would hopefully make your situation better. Just give us a call on 0303 040 1234.
Loneliness – British Red Cross
The British Red Cross have lots of resources, information and advice to help people – of any age – who are feeling lonely.
A great place to talk about your emotions, and share your feelings, is with other Surrey carers at one of our support groups. We have 40+ of these meeting every month, for carers to get together and support each other. Some are face to face, and now many are on Zoom. Find out more about our support groups here.
Many carers can’t get out to support groups. Or you may not want to. Instead, you might like to try chatting to someone online, in a carers’ forum. Chances are, there’s other carers out there feeling the same way you are. You can let off steam, and perhaps get some tips on coping. Read more about on-line forums here.
If you feel very bad, it’s important that you seek help, quickly, from your GP. They can advise on the steps to take and potential treatments. They won’t judge you.
Talking to professionals
Your GP might refer you for some kind of ‘talking therapy’ or counselling. This means talking to someone who is trained to help you deal with your feelings. Talking therapies give people the chance to explore their thoughts and feelings and the effect they can have on their behavior and mood.
Healthy Surrey have a full and up-to-date list of free services that you can access yourself, and sources of information to find out more.
Bild offers a Positive Behaviour Support (PBS) helpline to support families and carers of people with learning disabilities, mental health issues or autistic people with the challenges of living with Covid-19 restrictions. Its consultants can provide targeted support and strategies to help get through this next phase, based on PBS approaches. Provided via phone support, you can book an initial half hour call through Eventbrite.
Mind Matters Surrey IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) is a talking therapy service for adults registered with a GP in Surrey, who are experiencing common mental health problems such as depression or anxiety.
They look to provide quick and easy access to talking therapies, according to your individual needs. Experienced staff will listen, allowing you to talk about your difficulties in a non-judgmental and supportive environment. They aim to help you understand your issues, and will work with you to develop new ways of coping. Visit their website or call them on 0300 330 5450.
Mary Frances Trust
Mary Frances Trust is Surrey’s adult mental health and emotional wellbeing charity. They offer people experiencing any form of mental or emotional health issue a place where they are welcome and feel they belong. They provide one-to-one sessions, courses, groups and activities. Currently many activities are via Zoom, and free – sample events are meditation, managing stress, setting goals, hoarding, creative writing, resiliance, crafts, and much more. See the full listing here. And to register for support, click here.
For carers aged 16-24, there’s a Zoom chat every Thursday at 6pm, called Connect. It’s a chance to share thoughts and feelings, and off-load any anxieties. It’s open to all young people in Surrey who are feeling stressed or under pressure at all. To find out more, call Mary Frances Trust on 01372 375400, text on 07929 024722, or email [email protected]
The Centre for Psychology
The Centre for Psychology (based in Guildford) provides psychological therapies for common mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety. It is funded by the local NHS Commissioning Group so you do not pay for your therapy. You must be over 18 years old, resident in Surrey and be registered with a local GP surgery. You can self-refer here. Courses include using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help with sleep, or for coping with low mood.
Your Mind Plan
Public Health England have a simple and quick quiz. It asks questions about how you are feeling, then gives you a short list of potential actions to take. Try it here.
Healios provide digital/video mental health support to young people and children in Surrey. Their aim is to help the development of new, healthier behaviours, working with their clincians, helping young people achieve their goals and feel well. Please note, Healios is a commissioned service, only available through selected NHS Trusts. Read about the three steps of their service here.
Charity MIND has lots of support on mental health on its website, and also a helpline 0300 123 3393.
In times of crisis
If you are in crisis, please contact Samaritans, or Crisis.
Whatever you’re going through, there’s always someone there to listen – with no pressure and no judgement. Call 116 123. Line is freephone, and open 24 hours. You can also email [email protected]
In times of crisis or distress please call 0300 456 83 42. Line open 5pm-9am Monday to Friday, with 24 hours cover at weekends including Bank Holidays.