Read Ned and Nell's story
Growing up caring
Sibling carers Nell (now 20) and Ned (now 18) have been caring for their mum since they were little. They live in Ashford, Surrey. Their Mum, formerly a Deputy Head Teacher had to retire in 2016 due to her Rheumatoid Arthritis.
When and how did you become a carer?
Nell: I started caring when I was 11, during my first year at secondary school. Even though I was young, I felt proud to be able to help Mum in little ways. It made me feel useful and part of something really important.
Ned: I began when I was 9, in Year 5. My school was just across the road, and I’d run home as soon as the bell rang to check on Mum. I worried about her but felt happy knowing I could be there for her, I loved feeling trusted to help.
It can be challenging but I also enjoy being able to make her day easier. It feels good knowing I can do things that really help.
What does your caring role involve?
Ned: Mum can’t walk unaided; she needs sticks to help her walk or a wheelchair. We help her in/out of the wheelchair and push her in it when we’re out, but also assist with her medication, and bring her things she needs. Sometimes it’s as simple as making her a cup of tea or helping with her hair, which we always have a laugh about. It can be challenging but I also enjoy being able to make her day easier. It feels good knowing I can do things that really help.
Nell: Now that I’m 18, I help Mum with showering when Dad’s not around and I also help with things like getting out. You can’t just ‘nip’ out to the shops. You have to remember disability badges, pack up the wheelchair and get it in and out of the car and you have to manoeuvre the wheelchair in the shops, and people are so rude, they expect you to get out of the way. But I enjoy the little moments we share, whether it’s getting ready together or when we are out. We often turn those outings into fun adventures, even if it’s just a quick trip out. I like knowing she can count on me, and I feel proud to be someone she relies on.
What do you enjoy or value most about your caring role?
Nell: I really value the close bond we’ve built as a family. Being a carer has helped me become more caring, responsible, and understanding. It’s given me so many skills, but more than that, it’s made me feel closer to Mum. We laugh, chat, and enjoy each other’s company through all the little things we do together.
Ned: I like spending time with Mum-we’ve shared some really funny memories just doing everyday things. I enjoy helping, especially when I can do something that makes Mum’s day easier. It makes me feel proud and has given me more confidence.
It’s given me so many skills, but more than that, it’s made me feel closer to Mum. We laugh, chat, and enjoy each other’s company through all the little things we do together.
How does caring affect you all?
Nell: It can be really tough and challenging at times as the pain really affects mum and can make her a bit grouchy at times. I also feel guilty sometimes when I’m not there to help, but it has also had a really positive impact on our lives as a family It’s definitely rewarding. I’ve grown up with a strong sense of empathy and love.
Caring has taught me how important small acts of kindness are, and I’ve gained so much from it.
Ned: Mum is in a lot of pain and that is not nice to see, but overall it’s brought us closer as a family. It can be hard to watch mum suffer, but we also share a lot of laughter, and we know we can always depend on each other. There’s a sense of pride in helping someone you care about, it’s made our home a warm, supportive place. Action for Carers, and the Surrey Young Carers team have really helped over the years. They’ve provided friendship and genuine support – helping us know there’s a lot of help out there.
